No, not that one...the 4 letter one - BUSY. I cannot tell you how many times a week my response to “How are you doing?” includes the word busy. Honestly, I bet 100% of my answers either include that word or a synonym for it. Sigh, I’m over it. I want to be better than busy.
First of all, as I sit down to write this let’s note of how many tabs I have open in my browser...13!! Which is actually probably less than normal, honestly. 13+ tabs and don’t even get me started on how many apps I have open on my phone. Gee, I wonder why I am distracted...
Of course I have regular routines, but in order to keep out of the danger zone and the autopilot switched off, I add some self-care rituals into the mix. This doesn’t mean I spend an insane amount of time cooking up elaborate ceremonies. I prefer small acts that break out of the day to day grind and create joy. A ritual is really just a routine backed by an intention.
Each of these words describe behaviors of habit and repetition. No one wants to be stuck in a rut, but doesn’t it seem like there is also a fine balance between routine and rut? I have my own definitions for these 3 Rs based on how my experience with each feels in my mind and body.
I have spent the majority of last year avoiding connection. While I am still working though the reasons behind why that became my norm, I am also moving past it. I see now that I wasn’t only avoiding connection with others, I was avoiding connection with myself.
“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” You might be wondering what grief has to do with self-romance...don’t worry friends, I will bring that point home, I promise.
The past week was a bit of a whirlwind. Early in the week I was consumed by fine tuning my thoughts around this project, designing this site, and writing my first post. When I hit published, I just stepped back and was able to actually enjoy it. While this may not sound like a big deal for you, it’s huge for me because I am a perfectionist. I felt at peace with how everything was in that moment, and I didn’t feel the compulsive need to go back and rework all the things - and I’ll take that as a sign that I am doing what I need to do.
Starting today, I commit to 365 days of practicing self-romance. My goal is to rediscover who I am through acts of self-care, emotional exploration and self-inquiry. I am creating this space to document the journey, share my learnings, connect with and support others. And maybe (hopefully) inspire others along the way to spark a romance with themselves.